In what ABC executives are calling “the boldest network decision since canceling ALF,” The View has officially been tossed into the dustbin of television history. In its place, the network announced the launch of The Charlie Kirk Show, hosted by Kirk’s widow Erika Kirk alongside Bravo ringmaster Andy Cohen.

The announcement, delivered via a curt three-word press release — “It’s done. Finally.” — was widely celebrated in conservative circles and mourned in liberal ones. Meanwhile, the rest of America reacted with its usual shrug, muttering, “Wait, The View was still on?”

Farewell to the Henhouse

For 27 years, The View served as America’s loudest coffee klatch, where five women shouted over one another about everything from presidential politics to whether pineapple belongs on pizza.

But after Whoopi Goldberg’s recent “Angel-gate” remark about the late Charlie Kirk — and the meltdown that followed — ABC’s executives decided they’d had enough.

“It wasn’t even the remark itself,” sighed one exec. “It was the sighing. Whoopi’s sighs were louder than the microphones. Frankly, the nation deserves relief.”

After briefly considering filling the slot with Judge Judy reruns or even pure static snow, the network instead chose to gamble on a patriotic talk show they claimed would “make Charlie proud and advertisers happy.”

The Charlie Kirk Show: Daytime’s New Patriotic Powerhouse

The new format pairs Erika Kirk’s solemn tribute to her late husband with Andy Cohen’s flair for spectacle. ABC describes the duo as “a balance of heart and sass — patriotism meets primetime Bravo.”

The premiere episode began with Erika standing tearfully beside a six-foot portrait of Charlie Kirk, declaring: “Charlie dreamed of a show where people could finish a sentence without Joy Behar interrupting. And today, that dream is real.”

Seconds later, Andy Cohen strutted onstage in a sequined red blazer, clutching an American-flag martini glass: “Welcome, America. Think of this as The View — but with fewer hens, more heroes, and way better lighting.”

The Format: God, Guns, and Gossip

Segments now alternate between Erika’s heartfelt conservatism and Andy’s Bravo-style chaos:

• The Kirk Commandments — Erika reads Charlie’s old tweets like scripture, while the audience answers “Amen” or “Build the Wall.”

• Watch What Happens Patriotic Live — Andy Cohen grills prerecorded clips of Democrats, Starbucks baristas, or even French mayors while asking, “Who wore tyranny best?”

• Freedom Kitchen — Erika teaches how to make casseroles “the way the Founders intended” (Velveeta optional, kale forbidden).

• Stars & Spangled Tea — Andy delivers his iconic “Mazel/Jackhole of the Day,” rebranded as “Hero or Traitor.”

• Patriot Karaoke — Jason Aldean, Kid Rock, or Lee Greenwood belt anthems while bald-eagle-shaped fireworks explode behind Cohen.

Set Design: Bravo Meets Betsy Ross

Gone is The View’s pastel Manhattan backdrop. Instead, a rotating montage of Mount Rushmore, NASCAR tracks, and apple pies fills the giant LED screen.

The hosts sit at a desk shaped like the U.S. Constitution, flanked by martini shakers and miniature American flags. Even the teleprompter is built inside a hollowed-out AR-15.

Reactions Pour In

Conservative America rejoiced. Donald Trump posted on Truth Social:

“The View is FINISHED!!! Erika is WONDERFUL, Andy is FUN (sometimes too sassy but GOOD). MUCH better than Whoopi & Joy — both TERRIBLE. Big WIN!!!”

Fox News ran with the chyron: “FROM HENS TO HEROES — WITH EXTRA SHADE.”

Liberals weren’t impressed. Elizabeth Warren tweeted: “Replacing The View with The Charlie Kirk Show is like replacing a library with a gun range. Both loud, neither helpful.”

Comedian Trevor Noah quipped: “So ABC went from Whoopi sighing at Meghan McCain to Andy Cohen pouring tequila shots while Erika Kirk cries in front of a flag. Not sure that’s progress.”

The Audience: Confused but Patriotic

Dubbed “The Kirk Crowd,” the live audience begins each taping by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance while waving Chick-fil-A sandwiches.

“I came for the casseroles,” said one fan, “but Andy Cohen reading Charlie Kirk tweets like Housewives reunion transcripts? That’s TV magic.”

Another attendee admitted: “Honestly, I only showed up for the free flags. But Erika’s speeches plus Andy’s shade? I think I’m hooked.”

Where Are the Old Hosts Now?

Meanwhile, the ousted ladies of The View are plotting revenge. Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar are rumored to be working on a new podcast titled The Screech Continues, promising 45 minutes of pure shouting into microphones.

Sunny Hostin allegedly remarked: “I had at least three more years of interrupting Megyn Kelly left in me.”

Closing Thoughts

ABC’s choice to replace The View with The Charlie Kirk Show, co-hosted by Erika Kirk and Andy Cohen, is as surreal as it is symbolic of 2025. One part tearful patriotism, one part Bravo-fueled chaos — the formula may be bizarre, but it’s undeniably watchable.

Will America tune in every morning to watch Erika solemnly recite Charlie’s tweets while Andy Cohen debates a holographic Nancy Pelosi? Probably. Because if there’s one thing America loves, it’s outrage served with sequins and casseroles.

As ABC’s tagline proclaims: “No more hens. Just patriotism. It’s done.”